Bisexuality.
It’s eleven letters, but for some in the lesbian community it might as well be a four-letter word to take offense at, like “fuck” or “cunt.” You know what I mean; those words that just get people up in arms.
I got a crash course in the concept a couple years back. I was naïve back then. I’m black. I’m a lesbian, and I’m butch, the trifecta if you will. As such, it just didn’t even occur to me to have anything against anyone of any sexuality. For some reason, I thought everyone in the lesbian/gay community thought that way.
Yeah, that’s how naïve I was.
Bisexual characters and proud of it
So, when I was discovered by Ylva Publishing, I had no idea that readers would have a problem with the characters I created, especially since they had some initial footprints in fanfiction.
I pour my heart, my thoughts, my hopes into my characters to make them come alive. I did the same with Nora Whitmore, one of the main characters from Blurred Lines and Crossing Lines. She was strange, intense, blunt, sexual, and possessed a huge capacity to give and to love that she didn’t even know about.
One more thing: She was bisexual.
Not just for show. Nora was depicted as sleeping with men and women within the book.
Gasp!
A marginalized community marginalizes others
I never viewed this as problematic. To me, I was being true to her character, making her come to life. I don’t believe in glossing over things. While the books were warmly received by many, there were a few who protested the inclusion of a bisexual character in a lesbian romance.
In short, there was protest because I put her in bed with a man.
Hold my beer.
More than once.
That’s when it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks—people in a marginalized community still can’t help but marginalize others.
Marinate on that one.
My eyes were opened big time, and I started seeing things for what they were. Social media helped with that. As an active participant in Facebook and its many groups geared toward lesbian fiction and the LGBT community as a whole, I saw lesbians who were involved in the continued struggle for equality, understanding, inclusion and so on, try to deny this to others because they were bisexual.
Whaaat?
Books written by bisexuals shouldn’t be counted as lesbian fiction.
Books with bisexuals as main characters shouldn’t be counted as lesbian fiction.
Lesbians said these things. Lesbians put these things in writing. Right in front of my salad.
People lash out at what they don’t understand. People lash out at what they fear. We see it glaringly today. Charlottesville, anybody?
Bisexuals aren’t stealing lesbian safe spaces
I get that there is a shortage of lesbian-only spaces. I get that some people need them, but is it okay to try to force that need, that belief on others? Is it okay to alienate others because of it? Fear, especially that fear of disappearing, that fear regarding lack of safety, can culminate in some reckless, hurtful things.
The community as a whole knows what it is to be hurt by others because of who we love, right?
Right?
Time to ditch the division
We deal with hate on a daily basis, on an institutionalized basis. It doesn’t seem okay to do that to others no matter what your reasons. Engaging in that kind of biphobic behavior feeds into the monster that already exists.
Let me put it this way: As a black person, I know there are divisions in my culture based on skin color, class, and education. Where has that gotten us? More divided. More vilified. More chaotic.
Has biphobia improved anything in our general community? In lesbian fiction?
I had a relative who said to me once that he didn’t understand why black people were so mistreated sometimes because no matter what’s done to us, we’re here and always will be.
Switch it around. We’re all here. We’re all queer. Get the fuck used to it.
KD Williamson is the author of Blurred Lines, Crossing Lines, and Between the Lines (Cops and Docs Series). She is also a veteran in the mental health field working with children and their families for over ten years.
I don’t bitch about bi-books. I just stop buying that author. Bi-people deserve their spaces too, just like we want to be represented in media. But I don’t buy and read straight romance. Why would I want straight sex in a lesbian book I bought? If it’s a bi-book, then it’s perfectly acceptable that the woman could have a happily ever after with a man. I see it everyday on TV, as a lesbian, why would I want to buy that?
By all means, write for bi’s. But don’t call it lesbian romance.
YOu are right. You can read what you want. But, if a bisexual woman falls in love with a lesbian, how is that not lesfic or under the umbrella? Also, it almost sounds like you’re saying separate but equal? I’m asking not telling. There is a bigger issue here in that bisexuality is still so divisive in our community as a whole. It’s not just lesfic. People are hiding behind that to spew hate.
This is so on the spot, hits the nail on the head and all the other cliches that show how apropos something is. Thank you for stating this.
No THANK YOU for grasping what I was trying to say. It’s appreciated.
I have zero problems with bisexuals in my lesfic, but I don’t particularly want to read straight sex either. I’m not bothered if a main character is bi and has a brief non explicit relationship with a man. But explicit sex is a huge no for me. It happened to me once in a book I bought and I was forever turned off by that author.
Totally understandable. What you’re talking about is a matter of taste just like the woman above, but when it goes further than that cuz it does, that’s when things are toxic. No one in our community should be mistreated for who they sleep with.
This was an important post for me to read. As someone who faced up to her own biphobia two years ago, and with the help of some amazing friends and contacts, worked through that to realise how, quite frankly, cruel and insulting that was to members of my LGBT community, it saddens me to realise that this kind of post is still needed, and yet I applaud the words in it.
I’m always somewhat baffled by readers who think a book featuring a bi character must automatically mean there’s straight sex in it, when the book is clearly marketed as a lesbian romance. It’s called a lesbian romance because the main romance in the book is between two women. If one happens to identify as bi and the other lesbian, what on earth difference does that make to the main thrust of the story? Are readers who have an issue with bi characters going to say that the only lesbian romance books they’ll read feature goldstar lesbians (as they are clearly the only ‘real’ lesbians *sigh*), because if so, oh wow is that going to be a short reading list. The vast majority of women I know who identify as lesbian have had a relationship with at least one man at some point in their lives. And hey, perhaps the phrase ‘lesbian romance’ is a tad problematic itself, because given the many colours under the queer rainbow, wouldn’t it be better to call it f/f or w/w romance? Anyway, I digress…
I think KD has got it spot on – we have enough hate poured on us from outside our community. The very last thing we should be doing to each other is perpetuating that intolerance from within.
Girl! All this, what you said. So spot on. Thank you. The assumption that because there is a bi character that will somehow lead to straight romance is the same assumption that some lesbians have, I think, that they can’t date them because eventually they will want to be with a man.
Hey, KD! THANKS for this blog!
Welp, that gender binary and all its social expectations about sexual orientation and gender identity sure can mess us all up. I have my own issues with labels about how I identify and who I choose to sleep with. It gets tedious trying to cram everybody into certain boxes because most people simply do not fit into whatever box we’ve decided they should fit in.
In terms of lesbian fiction — I’ve always thought of it not necessarily in terms of the supposed subject matter, but rather as a reflection of the audience that reads it. That is, it’s lesbian fiction not just because it has lesbian characters (which is of course a primary factor), but also because lots of lesbians read it. It’s defined, thus, for me as both content AND audience, since I write and have to think about who my project is directed toward. Having said that, there are lots of people who do not identify as lesbian or cis or female who read lesbian fiction, though I still think of the primary audience as lesbian-oriented.
THAT said, if a character is bisexual — let’s say a cis woman — and she’s having a relationship with another cis woman who identifies as lesbian, does that fit the parameters of a “lesbian” relationship? Or is it a little problematic and disrespectful for the bi character, actually, who is not lesbian, to be identified as lesbian? I suppose we could then call the relationship “lesbian” though perhaps it isn’t, given however the two individuals in it identify. A relationship is how the people (adult, consenting) in it define it, and me assigning a label to it doesn’t make it so.
Personally — and I know this comes fraught with its own issues, but bear with me — I’ve found using “F/F” (female/female) or “wlw” (woman/-en loving woman/-en) as better descriptors of book subject matter, especially if one of the female characters is bi. I, too, have written bi characters and it seemed as I worked with these characters that calling them lesbian even if they’re with other women (who may or may not themselves ID as lesbian) really didn’t work for them because they may not think of themselves that way.
I personally am not a huge fan of labels because of how they can stigmatize and marginalize — our binary’ed and hierarchy’ed culture organizes around them. So I am wondering what others think about using F/F or wlw as a means of categorizing books in terms of the publishing industry if the primary relationship between the primary characters can be defined as engaging in it.
Not that this will cause the book publishing industry to turn the damn ship immediately (ha ha see what I did there…ship) to use designations like that, but might it be more inclusive in terms of categorization for audiences? And possibly the characters who may be bi?
Just things I’m ruminating on. And Nope. No issue that bi characters are in lesbian fiction. I do wonder if the label “lesbian fiction,” however, may actually be disrespectful to bi characters and bi readers.
Anybody else? Bi writers and readers especially, please? Am I off-base, here?
THANKS!
I wouldn’t care if it was one sentence that went on for eternity. Brilliantly said.
Sorry, y’all. I didn’t realize that HTML coding was necessary for the comment form. I apologize for the run on look of it above.
I’m a lesbian. I read all sorts of romance. Gay, straight, bi, and even Jae’s new release with a homoromantic asexual protagonist. I like them all, though I tend to skim over straight sex scenes. I’ve read all the Cops and Docs series more than once. It’s more about character development and plot for me. Nora’s growth as a character is so much more interesting to me as a reader than worrying about her sexual orientation. Thanks for writing interesting stories with characters I want follow through multiple books. Keep doing that thing you do so well.
Yes…. it is more about character I agree both in fiction and in real life. I think when a person or group of people get stuck on one thing they miss an awful lot. Thank you. And I’ll try to keep my books interesting.
Lesbian women have different issues and circumstances than bisexual women. In the larger, social aspect of things it seems that people turn to lesbians to welcome everyone and be the umbrella term for everything. So much so that saying you’re a lesbian interested solely in other lesbians is now offensive or “biphobic”. It’s time we stop trying to see similarities between ourselves where there is none – bi women are different from lesbian women in the sense of sexuality and we can’t lump them together or else you confuse everyone. Bisexual women by and large are committed in heterosexual relationships. When you compare fiction based on sexual orientation – guess which representation comes dead last? Lesbian romance. Why must we make a small genre even smaller when these two things – bisexuality and homosexuality – are separate? As a reader, a writer, and a lesbian woman, I crave characters that I can relate to in terms of romance. I can not relate to a bisexual character. I can not understand her attraction to both. And I’m sure she is confused by my attraction to just one. Do not insult us by lumping us together. Lesbians need their own characters and bisexuals need their own characters. If it’s a bisexual main character please list them under “bisexual fiction” – which is more respectful to the bisexuals who want to read from the perspective they can further relate to. And please, stop trying to rob lesbians of what little lesbian fiction there is.
I respect all opinions here, but I want you to keep in mind that your argument is very familiar. Its one of the same ones used for Jim Crow and all other phobias, isms and such. Leave out the equal and it’s also a similar argument that has been used to keep women and other marginalized people down. You’re passionate about what you think and feel as am I and many others. That’s fine. I don’t want you to apologize for who you are and I won’t apologize for realizing that lesbian fiction and the issues that lie within represent a microcosm for the bigger issues that bi, trans ,etc community face. Thanks for responding.
Very well said and so important. Thank you, KD.
I had my first publisher change the gender of my protagonist’s ex from male to female (no, I had no say in it). There is bi-erasure happening on all kinds of levels and it’s wrong. Bisexuals are part of our community, they’re part of our lives and should be part of our literature.
Yes I agree. Women loving women that’s the core.
Well said KD! I don’t know if it’s from being born and living in a small town, but I only recently really understood how much crap bisexuals get. It really bothers me when we attack someone from our own community. For me I don’t care if it is a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or asexual, as long as it is a book about women who love women, it is lesbian fiction to me.
Thank you. Well said on your part as well.
I’m right there with you, K.D. My best friend constantly deals with bi-erasure in the queer community, and she’s not the only letter in the alphabet soup who feels uncomfortable in queer spaces. We tend, at least where I live (the Pacific Northwest) to be overwhelmingly white spaces, and frequently very cis. I don’t want that in my life, I don’t accept it in my world, and I don’t want it in my fiction, either. We are, and always have been, stronger together. Those aren’t just words, they’re the very essence of intersectionalism.
“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.” –Audre Lorde. Truth.
I love my bi and pan sisters. I will stand with them, I will march for them, and I will read books about them. Because there is no them, there is only us.
I don’t have a problem with any ones stated or unstated sexuality. I personally think you guys are missing the real point of this discussion or maybe I am. I see this entire problem to be about my expectations when I buy a book. I am a voracious reader. I read books on everything. However if I buy a book that is in the lesbian romance category then I do not expect to find myself reading about prehistoric people and their lives or about a woman sleeping with a man.. If it states lesbian romance then that is what I expect and a woman sleeping with a man is not lesbian romance. I agree with you about all the prejudice in all the sexes. I am 66 and have seen many different labels emerge. Some stay some don’t but this is not what I feel is the real issues with your books. Why do you need to label the book a lesbian romance. Of course a lot of women who identify as lesbian now have at some point slept with a man. Label your books accurately and you should not have this problem and yes I do know that incredible prejudice exists today, still and if we are honest we all know it always will. I will never stop fighting it but I do think in this instance proper (labeling) of your books would help. I apologize for any and all bad grammar as English was always my downfall in school and being out in life it hasn’t improved. Hope you have a good life
My books are labeled correctly. Ylva is the home of all kinds of fiction. I wrote about a f/f relationship where two women are together at the end in a same sex relationship. That is the problem with labels. We all have opinions about how they are defined which makes it an individual thing. My definition of lesbian fiction is broad. Yours is more narrow.
Thank you. That’s exactly my point.
Because I’m somewhat new to reading (lots of) lesfic, I am much more interested in books that have woman/woman relationships, especially when it comes to sex. I think that if I’d had my fill (or, more of my fill) of such books, I wouldn’t be bothered by books where the main character or other characters is depicted as being in/ having been in relationships with men and women.
I don’t think of myself as biphobic. But I’m not naive, either. I know we’ve been fed biphobia by our society, so I think if I were more tuned in to what it entails, I’d recognize myself in some of it. And I hope I’d try to overcome that.
Thanks for things to think about!
“I know we’ve been fed biphobia by our society…” Yes my God we have. I just came from Ylva FB page where a woman, a lesbian said the exact same thing about a bisexual woman that had been said about lesbians. ” Bisexuality isnt an innate. Its choice or mental damage. For Het females, usually the later.”
I think that speaks for itself.
I’ll be honest. 15 years ago I was far less enlightened. These days I do t give a rats ass if there is a bisexual in my lesfic because if the writing is good and the story is good I will do with the straight sex scenes what I do with the overly graphic lesbian scenes and skim them for content other than “oh god” and move on. As a matter of taste I would prefer that the bisexual character end up in a relationship with a woman, again taste preferences and I can always choose not to read. That doesn’t mean the book doesn’t belong in our community. As to your series- I’ve read it more than once and found zero reason to be offended or ignore your work. Thank you for addressing this issue and i would like to add that transphobic reactions are also off the charts in our community. We are all under the LGBTQ flag and we should protect each other!
YES! Narrowing the overall definition is not good for the genre overall. As far as life goes and phobia within our community that already faces it is just stupid.
This represents so much of what I’ve been told since I wrote my second series and represents some of what I’ve faced since. It’s ridiculous. I’ve even had readers from my first series say that I betrayed them by having my protagonist in my second series be open with her bisexuality. Those well intended, as one of the complainers stated, comments proved to be an aha moment for me, and now, I am vastly disappointed by much of the community itself. No, I didn’t change teams or betray my community, I simply wrote a story where I stayed true to the character. She is who she is. Period. To say, as one comment did, that they’ll simply put down the book and never read the author again. Wow. You’re missing some awesome fiction out there. I know authors who write great stuff across the spectrum. If the sex bothers you, skip it. (unless the work contains the label erotica, in which case you knew what you were in for going in) But a lot of that same fiction, which doesn’t contain any explicit sex, contains LGBT+ themes and content.
Yes it was a huge disappointing eye opener. I do hope things get better.
I just finished reading a book where one of the characters was asexual. I’ll admit, I don’t understand asexuality. I mean I even read up about it on the Internet because I didn’t understand it. And armed with all the facts, I still have a tough time understanding it. The author even put a disclaimer at the top of the chapter that had the books lone sex scene for those asexual people who didn’t want to read about sex. While I may not understand, I do accept it. Just like I accept bi-sexuality. I just don’t want to read about women who have sex with men. So why can’t there be a disclaimer or warning on bi books. We want warning labels on all kinds of stuff so we know what we are buying. Why not on books too.
One of my main characters I suppose identifies as bisexual, although I haven’t explicitly said so. My second main character has identified as ‘gay’ and the first has slept with exclusively men before meeting the second. After reading this, I am coming to the conclusion that it may be important to use the term, although I did originally just want it to be about love, rather than identity for her. Hmmm…
Great blog post! 95% of my reading is lesfic and perhaps I’m one of the few readers who loves seeing a bisexual woman written into a lesfic book. I just really appreciate the representation and diversity.
Two decades ago, when I was in college, was the first time I heard lesbians rail against bisexual women because “They will always go with a man because it makes life easier.” I was surprised when I heard that at the time but I’m surprised even more that the bias still exists. Bisexual people fall for who they fall in love with and can’t help that anymore than a lesbian or gay person.
I think the bias against bisexuals may have more to do with the bicurious, “cool to be gay” folks, or yeah, maybe the weaker integrity people out there that are more or less playing and aren’t up front about that and/or do drop a same sex relationship when things get tough or inconvenient. That’s not because of bisexuality, though. That’s just being an a-hole.
Yeah, if I’m reading a lesfic book I expect to see an f/f relationship win out by the end if the bisexual woman is one of the two leads. If she’s a side character she can go either way as far as I’m concerned. If the lead isn’t primarily about getting with and staying with another woman that’s not lesfic and should be labeled as such (given a label of bisexual fiction or m/f, whatever).
I think of lesfic in terms of f/f…I don’t care if one or both of the women is lesbian, bi, “gay for you”, demisexual, asexual, transgendered, pansexual, queer, etc nor does it have to be written by a certified lesbian. If any person, male, female or otherwise writes a story of two women in a romantic relationship with each other and does so with respect, more power to them…and, at this point, I don’t even limit it to two women. One of my favorite writers in lesfic has some poly all female relationships going because it works for the characters.
Anyway, this is my way of saying thanks for writing the bisexual representation into your books (and to any author that does so).
High five to you. YOu make some excellent points. Women in love in the end that’s the focus.
> One of my favorite writers in lesfic has some poly all female relationships going because it works for the characters.
Umm, who is that? What titles? Please share with the class. 🙂
Elizabeth Watasin. Her Dark Victorian series (Risen, Bones, Ice Demon) and her Monster Stalker series.
Thank you! I will have a look at those.
Intriguing post prompting a lot of thought, KD. Thank you for that.
When reading a les-fic (or f/f) romance, I definitely expect the HEA to feature two women. I haven’t encountered many books that include a bisexual character in that dynamic. Now, I’ll have to add your books to my reading list so I can see how you handle it.
I’m a reader who enjoys f/f romances that incorporate well-crafted sex scenes. Not necessarily erotica, but I don’t mind some detailed descriptions of the action. My wife prefers f/f romances without the explicit sex scenes. To each her own. Yes, this is a small niche market, but the tastes of its readers are wide enough that there should be room for all types of books and pairings.
As a writer, I say you have to be true to the characters you’ve created. I’ve read a lot of badly written and poorly edited les-fic titles over the years, simply because they were all that was available. I’ll take a well-crafted, cleanly edited book with bisexual characters over those any day.
Thanks for your comment and in the end that’s what its all about.
Dear Ms Williamson, I am a white man who has been in love with black women for many years. My wife and step daughters are all black, but only one is gay. I read lesfic because I got fed up with hetero romance, I can’t take the posturing, condescending, alpha male love interest that all hetero romance writers just have to put in there to sell books.
With regard to this issue, you are right, they are wrong, and I went to Amazon just now to buy your books. Because even if I don’t like your writing, I will support your attitude with my wallwt. However, I fully expect to love your writing.
First, hats off to you sir for taking the time to read this post, comment and to read lesbian fiction! I know a few men who prefer to read it over het romance. To that I say to each his/her own. Thank you for your open mind as well as your understanding. I also hope you enjoy the books. I don’t pull any punches there either.
KD, thank you for bringing bi-discrimination into conversation! Two thoughts: many of us who now identify as lesbian had an earlier phase in which we identified as straight or bi. It may be hard to imagine or understand how other women could have a different outcome: realizing they’re bi instead of realizing they’re lesbian. Second, since it’s hard to imagine or understand, one of the best things people can do is listen to the stories of bi women who can explain their reality. Same with trans men and women. About 25 years ago I got to know a trans woman and that, more than anything, made me into a cheerleader for trans people and their rights. Problem is, it’s risky to bare your soul to someone who might be judgmental. If you’re aware you feel / think critically of bi women (“they get all the privileges of straight people” or “ew! How could you sleep with a man?!) and if you want to be more genuinely inclusive and supportive of others who are marginalized, learn the stories and struggles of bi women. You can start with fictional characters written well or non-fiction written by bi women, develop an accepting attitude, then get to know real-life bi women. That said, it should never be the sole responsibility of the oppressed minority to educate everyone about their lives.
I think hate is a strong word for how lesbians feel about the bisexual. But I do understand not wanting a true bisexual character in lesbian fiction and having to read about straight sex. For years on television or in movies that make mainstream and still today the so called lesbian character if they don’t commit suicide or get killed off they always go back to a man so as to be acceptable. I am 60 years old so I have seen it. And when I was a teenager I couldn’t read about a succesful lesbian couple that thrived and lived together until they grew old together. Back when I was trying to sort things out bisexual was someone on the fence that couldn’t accept their self as a lesbian. Hell it wasn’t like there were any positive examples out there. And when I was old enough to go to bars there were plenty of married women who were having affairs with women but didn’t want to give up the security and or status they had in society by being with a man. It was like they were saying I was good enough to have sex with but not good enough to be with or be seen with out in public. And even today a popular bbc series on tv had a woman finally acknowledge her lesbian lover and leaves her husband after admitting she had affairs with women in college gets married to her after working through the issue of her having sex with an old friend to get pregnant and the next day after they get married she gets killed in a car accident and leaves behind the baby for her to raise. Oh yeah the pregnant girlfriend was black. The writer got an earful. Oh yeah what about the series the 100. They had just had sex and one of them gets killed. It’s only in the independent movies made that aren’t mainstream where women actually stay together. Why do u think Desert Hearts was so popular. It was the first time a woman took a chance to possibly stay with another woman. It was implied anyway. Never concluded. Ms rule had said she was going to write a sequel and show them together but unfortunately she died before it happened. But back in the 70s there was one movie. It was on the public tv station called The War Widow. Few have ever seen it. It was about a photographer that fell in love with a woman whose husband was away at war. They finally get together. And the war is ending. The photographer is going to leave and wants her to come with her. So if she is going to leave with her she has bought a ticket for her and tells her where to meet her. And after another argument with dear old mom she goes to meet her so that they can leave together. I was hiding in my bedroom watching it. They showed a repeat once a few years after I moved out and I made sure to watch it again. I soaked that movie up because it was the first time she chose her female lover. And when I finally had lesbian fiction to read I was a sponge. Because it was just women positive women relationships. and these days it’s a lot easier to find and to read than it ever was when I was growing up. And I do find that I resent it when straight sex is included with the lesbian fiction I read but it’s because you see straight sex everywhere. They are allowed to do day to day things out in the open in public in real life. And straight sex is on all the time on tv and in movies. But still no healthy lesbian couples. Much less lesbian sex. So lesbian fiction is the only place I can go that I don’t have to have it up in my face. And the only place where it’s erotic and not porn. And if I know ahead of time I will choose not to read it. I resent it when I don’t know ahead of time because it’s thrown in my face just like everyday and I want what’s different. Understanding male friends are acceptable. Maybe because in my world they are still fiction. At some point the male is just bound to say have u ever tried it or give me a chance and u will never want another woman. They may only say it once unless they r gay but they will say it. Lesbian fiction in my opinion should just be lesbian fiction. Where the main character doesn’t willingly bow down and have sex with another man and just uses the woman she sleeps with while holding onto a male security blanket. And if u want to write about so called bisexual women then that’s ok but at least warn the reader so it’s not thrown into the face of someone that doesn’t want to read about it. But I resent being called a hater because I want my fictional world to be positive and different to what I have to see everyday.