Show, don’t tell

We mentioned before that we’re going to blog about the reasons why we reject manuscripts.

At the start of our series of blog posts, let’s talk about the most common reason for rejecting manuscripts: The author told the story instead of showing it in vivid detail.

You have probably heard the old advice “show, don’t tell.”

But what does it mean?

Telling gives the reader conclusions and interpretations. The author summarizes and explains what’s happening in the story.

Showing provides readers with enough concrete details so that they can come up with their own conclusions. The reader witnesses what’s happening in the story in real time instead of getting a secondhand report.

Why is “telling” bad?

If you “tell” too much, readers hear about the events secondhand instead of witnessing it. It distances them from the story and the characters. Readers stop being actively involved because they don’t need to think about what they’re reading. It’s like reading a newspaper: you find out facts, but you’re not emotionally involved. If you read in the newspaper, “A forty-two year old driver was injured in a car crash,” you probably won’t react with strong emotions. But if you witness the accident, if you see the car crash and hear the man’s screams, you’ll feel many emotions. And that’s what readers want: to experience the characters’ emotions along with them.

And that’s what showing does. Showing makes readers active participants who draw their own conclusions and experience the events along with the characters.

Is telling always bad?

No, sometimes it’s better to tell than to show.

If you show something, it takes up more space on the page, so readers will think, “Oh, this is important. I better pay attention.” If you describe even unimportant events in great detail, readers will become exhausted and the important parts won’t stand out anymore.

So when is it better to tell?

Telling is better:

• For mundane tasks (e.g., she ended the call vs. she pressed the little red button on her cell phone)
• For transitions that summarize a span of time or distance, e.g. Three days later.
• To avoid repeating things you already showed

How can I tell whether I’m telling or showing?

There are a few red flags that indicate telling:

• The use of adverbs is usually telling: “You are such a jerk,” she said angrily. Instead, you might write: “You are such a jerk.” She slammed the book shut.
• Using adjectives can also indicate telling. Instead of She was frightened you could write: Oh God, Oh God. Her fingers trembled as she dialed 911.
• Dialogue tags other than said (e.g., “admitted,” “confessed,” “exclaimed”) explain the dialogue to readers. Instead, let the dialogue speak for itself.
• Instead of naming emotions (She screamed in fear), use actions, thoughts, visceral reactions, and body language to show what the character is feeling.

How can I show instead of telling?

• Use sensory detail. Let the reader witness what the POV character sees, hears, smells, and tastes.
• Make sure the action unfolds in real time.
• Use concrete verbs that can be acted out. For example, instead of “he attacked,” you could write: “He swung his fists.”
• Break generic activities into smaller parts, e.g., instead of “she read the newspaper,” write: “She scowled at the Dow-Jones averages.”
• Don’t name character traits. Instead of telling us She was a shy woman, show us how she stutters and stumbles through a conversation with a person she has never met before.
• Choose verbs that are strong and active, not weak and static. Instead of writing The man was thin and wore a coat that was much too big, you could write: His coat hung loosely around his frame.
• Put yourself into your character’s shoes and write the scene from his or her point of view.

We’ll post more advice on point of view in December.

Since this is a blog post about showing, can you SHOW me what “showing” means instead of just telling me?

Sure. Here are a few examples: 

If you have any questions or comments about “show, don’t tell,” please leave a comment. We’re looking forward to some interesting discussions.

Happy writing! 

Jae